Sunday, October 25, 2009
Hysterical
My nightmare , finally came . I don't know how am I supposed to feel. This has been a torturing period for me and I hope this week will pass as quickly as possible . Some of my friends are feeling scared and unprepared whereas some of my other friends are taking it easy . I can't seemed to sleep last night and I woke up very early today . I'm not hungry as usual which is surprising. And this is crap seriously . I thank all for wishing me gd luck for olevels , becos I totally need luck for every subject . On the other hand , I find myself so foolish for not realizing a lot of things earlier . Why didn't I buck up beforehand , why didn't I this , why didn't I that . Also I didn't realise that my mother has placed confidence in me . She had sleepless nights w me , she cooked for me my favourite dish last night , she brought me to the temple to calm my nerves etc . It's scary when I hugged her last night and told her I didn't want all these anymore , I don't want my grades , I don't want to go for my olevels , I don't want to study , I don't want anything . Then she said ' Nothing is free ' . You want it , you exchanged something for it.
So now , I hope while I blogged this I will feel a little happier , a little more relax cos I know everything has got to do w my nerves . I don't want to freak out later , I don't want to cry or scream or anything else . All I want to do is to bring my mother's words and love into the examination hall . Becos I know that's my only weapon to defeat all and obtain victory right now . I can do it , Addy ! Why can't I when millions and thousands of people had sat for their olevels ? Why can't I do it when others can ? Why can't I just look forward to write my best piece of essay and situational writing for the old man in England to read ? I can , and I will . So even when later my heart pound so fast as if it's going to leapt out from my mouth , I'm going to take several deep breaths and just go for it .
Pls believe in yrself , pls don't give up , pls pls pls pls pls pls pls be strong .
One of those nights.
7:51 PM
