Thursday, September 10, 2009
Morbid
I seriously have no idea what to blog becos life's really too ugly . Everything seemed to be really weird these days esp my mood to certain people. I used to anticipate the feeling of meeting new people , talking to strangers and doing things which people do not even want to do at all . But now its the opposite , everything is . I used to say no to ice-cream but today I eat a lot of them and I totally regretted .
ok edited :
YEAH , I totally regretted like crazy ok now I feel as if I'm a pig seriously . This is seriously crazy , I'm putting round round on repeat which is HAHAHAHAHA . I swear I think I'll not eat Ice-cream for like 3 months or smt , cos in the first place I don't even like ice-cream . And the flavours were so ew ok plssssssss , what coffee plus peppermint ? Chocolate didn't even taste like chocolate in the first place . But whatever I need to relieve some of this and I'm pathetic enough to do it on the ice-cream HAHAAHAHA . I remember some of the old tactics to relieve whatever stress we had when we were sec2 or so , some were like slashing which was so dumb ( but v in leh last time !!! ) , blasting the music like crazy ( still in ) , pulling a long face ( woah this one is the best ) . And I guess we just want a little more attention , we just want yr attention by doing all that . HAHHAHHAHAHA and pls next time if anyone is going to some place like yuki and yaki or seoul garden or whatever buffet cooking stuff , CAN YOU FREAKING TELL ME EARLIER BECOS I WANT TO WEAR MY EATING ATTIRE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg damn ok . Yesterday was bad , every day is bad or going to be bad whatever it is ok . Anw I woke up at 5 ytd to like what study for chem test omg which I think it totally didn't help cos i'm bound to fail it wth its so freaking hard ok . Yeah I WAS SAYING ( HAHAHAHAHA ) I skipped some chapters becos I think I shouldn't waste my time on other chaps and then focus more on the important chaps which all of them didn't come out . Some say chem is common sense , now I know what they're talking about .Ok , but I couldn't take it anymore so I went back to sleep once its like 7 or 8 HAHAHAHA , slept till 9 or 10 then continued to study and study and study while I was in the train when I met my secondary school friend it was so amazing ok !!!!! Yeah then when I reached my tuition place , hell began . I was supposed to go back home once my tuition end but I didn't cos I don't want to go back home and that I c no one at home except me I hate how that feels like except when I'm deprived of freedom. So I sort of escape to town where I thought I could find my joy , peace and laughter . But hell no ok . I met up w my cousins and someone else in town , didn't really do anything much walked around and then sat at coffee club . Was actually supposed to also search for kristy's pressie but in the end .... kekekeke . Then I msged my 2 bitches asking them if anyone of them are in town becos I could feel as if i'm dying . But then turns out no.1 b is not and the other one is . However the other one didn't really want to meet me becos she had something on . But in the end we met up , w some other people which was I think ok ? Yeah ok is the word . I feel quite bad becos I'm some sort of curt or rather my replies were curt and then it was totally obvious I was bored and all but whatever like as if I've the damn mood to make some new friends which is ? .... But its ok I just wanted to spend time w number 2 bitch if not I tell you ah she'll never even spend some time w us cos she'll be going to study w her C ( ffl ) friend and then if she want to party she will hang out w her church friends so whatever I've alr a back-up plan if she's out of this HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA and I can go on and on about this matter .... ( eh number one bitch you're supposed to blog about this also ) Yeah , somehow I made both of them to go online becos of me ytd and we talked like crzy talked till all the cows come back home and it was funny or at least B2 is getting how B1 and I talk now . And don't talk about B1 cos she ditched us for her .... ( watch out ~~~ ) I need to do my math now becos my tuition teacher is coming at 1 which is like WTH cos I haven't do anything yet damn it
Never knew never expected never predicted it will hurt so bad
Love the love you've , Addy ?
Edited :
Somehow I think I'm beginning to blog more and more I guess I can never get enough in typing what I want to type . Whatever I will and going to study soon once I'm done w this . Anw I'm not going to see my phone anymore so if you want to contact me either through msn or house phone or facebk ok ? I pray that val's coming to my house soon , I hope she'll skip tuition but I highly doubt so .
Edited :
I think if my blog actually is alive , it will hate me like crazy . I need and want to continue typing cos if I don't , I really don't know if my mind will not go insane . Maybe in the first place , I don't even know why am I feeling this way . I have been searching , finding the perfect reason for me to be like this , I have even made use of a million stupid excuses to cover up everything . I'm probably still hiding , I've been hiding right from the start becos I hate to face it , I don't want to face you , I don't want to realize the fact that now you're gone . I've been trying so hard , to not let my tears fall in front of anyone , to fake a smile so you don't have to worry about me , to be honest with myself and say ok I might not be alright but hey yknow what , I'm ok or at least I'm going to be ok. But little did I know I don't know when will I be ok , I don't even if I will be alright I don't even know how to be ok . I've been thinking a lot , I've been wanting a lot more I've been hoping if things are different how would things actually be ? Something's missing , something's gone , something's lacking. I'm dying to find it back becos I can't go on like this , I want to make things right again . I need answers to my questions , but always I find nothing except things like ' Are you ok ? I hope you're alright etc' How badly I wish I didn't do the things which I did to you , somehow I wish you would read my blog and ask me a million questions which previously I would diss you and ignore you and ask you to mind yr own freaking business and get lost becos I need space , but right now I hope you get uptight about everything I've said , I hope you'll send me some stupid childish tips on everything , becos unknowingly I'm starting to read up on that, I hope you'll talk to me just like last time . I hope you're still the same becos I haven't changed .
Listen to yr heart
One of those nights.
8:33 AM
