Sunday, August 30, 2009
Savour
Less than 48 hours , time's running out . Somehow I tried to do other things so that I wouldn't stare at the damn clock watching every second pass and praying he'll go off peacefully . It hurts me so bad to see him in this state . I wish he's going to recover I wish he will live longer I wish he'll be able to see me being a successful career woman I wish he'll be able to see me getting married I wish he'll be able to see me giving birth to his great grand children which it'll be Romeo and Juliet I wish he'll be able to tell me that I'm growing fatter and bigger every Chinese new year I wish he'll urge me not to eat so much cos fat girls do not appeal to boys I wish he'll tell me that he wants to eat
mee goreng cos even though I can't cook that I'll still buy it or him I wish I wish I wish all my wishes will come true
I did a personality test w
Nyein and Nicholas the other day , there's this question about if you're walking straight and suddenly you see a v huge wall and it seemed v tall which you couldn't possibly climb over and that it was
smt like a dead end for you , what will you do ? I replied this ' I'm going to test the material of the wall first by pushing my hand against the wall , and then if I think the material is quite
ok yknow like those soft hollow empty wall , then I'll bang my entire head against it '. And then it turns out that this question was actually asking you indirectly how would you actually face death . I know some of you probably would say
wth no link
leh whats the link between connection and wall , I think the wall acts like a v huge and big obstacle which is like how you'll face death which is going to be a v huge and big obstacle too . My sis said she'll turn back which means she'll actually avoid it , another friend said he'll continue and try his best to climb over the wall even though he knows v well its kind of impossible which means no matter what he's still going to give it a shot , remain optimistic and positive , hoping for a miracle to occur .
Nyein said she'll just sit there and do nothing . Till now I still can't believe I said I'll test what kind of material the wall is made of first , I can probably infer that I'm those kind who would want to test the power or whatever skill death actually has then make my decision . But i death suddenly comes knocking on yr door , what will you really do ?
Sofea probably say
AIYA ,
IDK , say a stupid ans and continue it by saying I AM JUST SAYING . My mum once said this to me , like an apple on a tree , when its spoiled , old , rotten it'll automatically drop off from the tree. When its time , she says we'll have to let go . Let go of everything and let nature takes its course . Then you'll feel hopeless , helpless and loneliness surrounding you . Slowly , they'll suffocate you till you can't breathe . You probably need some time alone to settle out yr thoughts and feelings . Feelings are scary , real scary .
Ok , time for my
bro's medicine !
I choose to climb over the wall , even though I'll fail eventually .
I choose to climb over the wall , despite knowing that I'll suffer from the physical injuries
I choose to climb over the wall , even if it's unbearable and torturous for me
I choose to not give up and be positive
I've chosen
One of those nights.
6:28 AM
