Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Lone
I've been waiting , everything's takin way too long
I know if I probably going to blog this , people who read this will think i'm some spoilt kid . But anything I don't really care anymore . I know I'm not the only one who's stressed over my fucking studies . I could say give me a chance once more or get me the freaking replay button so I'll hit it over and over again till I can't even stop myself , however I know things will not go my way . There are obviously some times when I'm so happy and I could feel as if I'm floating on cloud nine . But c'mon reality is like this , it so cruel and sometimes it hurts you like shit , and I mean like shit .
I can't help but to wonder what my life would be if I could take charge , control and change it . However , there's only one word to think of ' Adapt ' I got to learn to adapt to changes , to live w it , or to even change myself because of it . I know it might sound real stupid , it might sound so childish because its a everyone-kind-of-alr-know-it thing but whatever I'm just trying to rant everything and anything I can rant of.
I'm so pathetic right now that i'm eating whatever I can find from the kitchen . They're sweet potato porridge ( so not sweet ) , and toufu . I just had my tuition from idk since when cause it seemed as if its a million seconds , minutes and hours. My stomach's hurting like crazy and I don't even know why . I FREAKIN WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON W MY BODY LIKE HOW CAN I POSSIBLY GET THROAT INFECTION AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND HOW MY STOMACH IS ALWAYS PAIN . It seemed as if throat infection's my best friend or smt , it always visit me whenever its free and I'm so not pls . Like I hate to remind myself that I'm sitting for olevel this year and I still have my prelims , my mock and everything else. I can't afford to miss out any lesson , any time or anything else . I mean even if I don't go to school I still study and study and read my lit book for leisure. & when you're sick , it is helpless and a total failure . The medicine makes you feel sick , that's the reason why I hate hate hate to take the medicine .
& my family members are so not helping . My sis's the best , she's always the best when everyone else esp when my father is against me . Forever , like hello can they just freaking stop stop stop nagging . Its really too much esp when I'm sick and I can't even defend myself cause there's like no voice . I can still speak but I don't want to shout or anything cause its stupid , in the end I'll feel 1000000000 times worst . They keep saying ok you must rest rest rest rest , HELLO REST WHAT , and omg this one is even better ' stress lah , see stress stress , somemore go swimming and running ' They can't stop ok , just like a broken tape recorder , they just keep going on and on , and the worst thing is , on the same topic . Omg like seriously help me ok , I just need my world to shut up right now . Whenever I feel like shit because of whatever reason and my sister knows it , that's the only time she'll stand up for me to fight back . Yeah ^^^^^ They're really too much , I mean sometimes .
Yknow I think I'm starting to change my habits . Its weird , I hate to eat porridge but I'm liking it now . In fact , I've been eating it or 2 days like for each meal . I hate math , but now I want to do more and more . But obviously , I still love chem and lit and others but I mean its still ... Luckily I don't hate math anymore , I should be thankful .
Ok , I'm done ranting . I'm going to eat my pathetic dinner now and I will stop thinking its pathetic cause I'll think of other people who doesn't even have anything to eat. I will eat my food now . Gdbye , and I still love my family members ( no offence to anyone of them though ) I'm just feeling sucky .
I'm going to listen to my mum and eat the medicine for one more day , if my tummy still ache and everything else , I'm not going to eat it anymore . I mean what kind of stupid side effect is that ? - Stomach pain like gastric ?
One of those nights.
7:30 AM
