Saturday, June 6, 2009
I swear I would get yr desired results
I swear
I decided to stop reading my papers and blog because 1) I'm so fuckin' pissed 2) Because I want to make a promise to myself
I really am going to wait till I get older , cause only when that happens I would get freedom . I can go out real late and night , I can stayover at my friend's house w/o informin my ______ . Sorry , I really don't feel like sayin the word now it kinda seemed gross and disgustin to me . What for have ____ when they are so damn annoyin' , fucked up , and all they do is nothin'but nag nag nag scold scold scold and get me into trouble. Stupid , I really feel annoyed and mad . And what the hell why can't I read papers in the living room ? Cause yr big king is sitting in front of the television watchin his useless cartoon is it . Stupid cartoon head so big body so small , screw it . I mean seriously , I just wanna read the papers and I have to be in my own study room . Somemore can ask me why I wanna go to my friend's house or my aunt's house . This is the reason why , because of yr damn king . Stupid king , always gettin me into deep trouble . If I could I would .... Argh stupid thinking . Anw I really cannot take it its so stupid everything is so stupid , I really can't stand my math . Because of my freakin amath or rather emath too , its pullin everythin down , not only that , she got to nag ang nag and nag non-stop . Not as if I don't know its so difficult , not as if I don't want to put in any effort. But spare me from this rubbish ok , I don't want to hear yr voice , I don't want to know how stupid I am when I'm doin' my math . Its horrible enough , don't rub it in . And stop it stop it stop it . I really don't want to stay here 24/7 a day cause you'll nag like shit , and he'll keep finding fault w me and scolding me , ( he treats me like rubbish ) I really dislike him to the core , and he'll keep disturbing me . I want peace , damn it . If you're a teenager , if you're me , you would understand its so difficult being one right now . Its not the same anymore , everything changes , and its so not easy being one. Its not like what you've been telling us , whats the difference ? People in the past eat rice , now also eat rice . Omg eh now got different brands and quality of rice pls . OMG , save me
Yeah , and yknow what I know I shouldn't be sayin this and I'll probably regret but I don't care at least not now , I can't be bothered . Sometimes I really don't feel as if we are a _______ , I don't feel anything at all . I mean like we can even postpon bdays because of xams ? So what , our presence doesn't mean anything at all , or xams are more important . And that when we say we would shift it to next week and all . Pls , its all lies and rubbish. Next week my ass lah , probably next year more likely . Plus , I think sometimes my friends care more than yguys do . Yeah and you'll start tellin me friends would always be friends they won't be there when you need them only family would be , cxause blood is thicker than water . But yknow what , I think I've been always there for myself , since the king is born I'm left alone . You seemed to give me a pair of wings then break it , and you seriously left me hangin there to survive on my own . Even sometimes , I really do struggle , even till now , I still do . But yknow what I think I'll probably continue this way , everytime I fall I would know how to pick myself up . I would even give myself a time frame . I seemed to know myself more and more . Sometimes I do feel lost , and other times I'm so sure of what I want . I'm so certain of who I am , and all I want is nothing . I just want to go out w you alone and you call me childish . Idk yknow really , I kinda give up . I kinda give up on everything . Why why is it so tiring . Is this how teenagers are supposed to be ? Is this why there's such a term call 'emo' which teenagers always use ? Do you really dislike me ? Am I really yr thorn ? Why do I not feel anything at all ? How am I supposed to continue ? Why are you expectin' so much from me ? Am I really lazy ? Am I not puttin' enough effort ? Why must you force me ? Why do you always give in to the king , yknow you make me dislike him even more ? He's damn it annoyin , yknow what I want to work , I want to dance I want to pursue my career and everythin . I don't even want you to care . This is my life , let me be responsible for it.
Remember , guys are jerks . Even older ones seemed to immature and childish and freakin damn it bias bias bias . Wake up , its year 2009 . Girls can do the same things as guys , or yknow what even better . When I do it better , when I prove it to you , when I show everyone how much I can acheive , don't start to tell everyone that i'm yr daughter then . And pls , I know I sound like a bitch here but seriously everyone would get old someday . When yr time comes , don't don't don't pls don't start to treat me so damn nice and ask me to support you and all when yknow you only have 3 children and that yr king would probably be studying or in army .
I seriously hate it when people looked down on me , I detest it when you think I can't acheive much in life , I abhor it when you despise me . Because it makes me so mad and crazy and I would totally prove it to you . Ythink from a 36/100 for amath wouldn't get an a1 is it ? Ywant me to get a1 is it ? A1 , I'm so goana get you . This is so crap , why am I even doin' this ? Idk , I can't be bothered to think and know why . I'm just goanna get my A , or at least I'll put in my best effort to get yr desired grades . Combined - A1 , Lit - A2 , Chem - A2 , Amath/ Emath - A1 , Chinese - Anything la , I don't care cause I screw it up ( ok no , there's retake , I'm goanna get A2 ) , English - A2 ( screw this i'm so goanna really acheive it , cause of the big fat you , keep pushin me lah , keep giving me all those so damn it difficult things to do , stupid you make me so pissed so bias freak i'm goanna prove you wrong damn it ) ok my target used to be like what 10-11 pts and all these while I'm getting 13-15 plus because of math . So now I'm goanna push myself harder , my target is 8 points .
Yknow what , I thought I really gave up alr cause i've lost the motivation the drive to keep pushing me forward , to reach out and acheive the grades I want . But now, thankyou I've woken up alr , to prove you wrong I really want this results , I desperately want it ( And I make a promise to everyone who is reading this and myself that I would work xtremely hard or even harder to acheive this , and pls people pls do help me along and remind me whenever I lose it ) Thankyou . I don't believe if people could do it , why can't I ? I'm not those xtremely stupid , I can do it the same way . I'm able to , and I would I would . I'm not goin' to go out anymore , I'm only goin' out on monday to watch hannah montana ( the guy ) and company my friend to shop while I would be bringing my notes and study materials to study , and that's because it was arranged last week so yeah . From now onwards , its studyin and me .
One of those nights.
6:22 PM
