Saturday, April 18, 2009
I've a lot of things to rant / say / whine
I've a lot of things to tell different people
I've a lot a lot of stuffs to say but I don't know where to begin
To yguys :
I can't imagine me w/o you ,
Because of yguys I feel as if my life's brand new ,
But will yguys stay w me forever ?
To you :
I have finally realised all these while you are just avoiding me . I've utterly no idea why and I'm too tired to guess how you are feeling and all . I really didn't mean it for hurting you . I hope we could go back to where we begin and start all over again. I know it would be hard for you and not me . I know I shouldn't insist that you treat me this way . But you've got to know there's no point holding on to smt that would be of no outcome at all . Let it go , plus I really miss talking to you like last time . I really miss texting you , talking to you online and seeing you . I wonder if all these are real , I wonder if you are really hurt by me , I wonder if you are really ok . But I know you'll never tell me , I guess you are never goanna see me again or to even talk to me . I've no idea why but yeah I really do miss you .
To you :
I'm so glad that sports carnival is finally over . This marks the end of everything . I'm giving everything up alr , really . I've figure that out I don't want to take the risk , friendship doesn't mean anything to you . So why should I bother ? I've lost , and I'm giving up . I swear to myself that you would be out of my life , and you'll never be back again.
I don't want my blog to be so dead , so lifeless so boring . But Idk , why do I always feel like blogging all these stuffs . If nobody wants to read this then its ok HAHAHA . I'll try to blog some "happy" stuffs , if there's any .
Sports carnival was really great . Catherine won first for cheerleading and overall house championship . I saw Vanessa . P that day too . Also , I took part in all 3 events . It was fun though but I was kinda v glad and touched by a lot of people . One of them is Roanna Soon . I think its bestfriends race and the watermelon eating thing . Idk , I feel like saying a big thankyou to you and sorry . I know we each have our flaws and all , but I'm still glad that you actually kinda bother about me and how I feel . Even though sometimes you kinda don't seemed to care than the others , but yeah I probably need to understand how yfeel . Thanks for actually helping me to eat the watermelon w/o second thought even though its so gross and I can't finish it up . I didn't xpect you to do that but really thankyou . Also , I know there are some of them who asked me if I'm ok or not and help me to hold my frinch and my long disgusting ponytail . However , I really dk who are yguys so yeah but thanks too . I had a lot of fun during the sports carnival , I guess . But I was really glad everything is over , I am seriously glad .
I've a lot of thoughts , different mixed feelings , I feel so tired that I wish one day I could just stop rushing and be busy . I hope time could stand still so I could really breathe and do what I want . What do I want to do ? I want to hang out w a lot of people . I want to hang out w Sofea , Val , BBF ( esp you , I miss you like crazy . But Idk ) , Maureen , Kristy , J , S . Idk Idk Idk , Idk what's going on in my life but I know I'm rushing like crazy once I wake up everyday in my life . Somehow , I think I'm beginning to stone . Sometimes , I feel as if my head's hurting so much and I would hope I could collapse right on the spot. One thing for sure , I hope nobody will realise so I don't have to worry my famile members and friends . I desperately want to sleep forever , I'll probably like sleeping beauty even more now ( HAHAHA ) and probably wait till someone to wake me up . I don't hope it will be a prince charming cause I've come to realise this would never and not happen in my life . I don't believe in fairytale . But I want to believe in it , so I would probably give myself a little hope in my life. Chaotic is what I describe my life to be . I hope one day the whole world would be mute and probably deaf ( OMG I can't believe I just say that , k sorry I'll take my words back )
Other times , when I feel how imperfect my life is , I wouldn't hesitate to rant about how stupid things were , how lucky you have so many things and I don't eg ( bags , wallets , and all ) . I know at that mintue I wouldn't think of those unfortunate people , those people who do not have anything to begin w . I guess its like that , we won't get enough of everything . Like how I can get my favourite bag but all I want is for you to go out w me and talk to me till dawn . You probably have everything a girl ever wanted , but something that you lack of is either friendship , love or someone's concern and worry about you . If I've a choice , would I actually give everything up for that ? Would I actually give away my assement books ( HAHAHA , that one I'll ! ) , my favourite bolster , my precious blackpod away just to xchange for all that ? I would .
" She" is jealous of everything you've
" She " probably don't want anything now xcept a phone call from her best friends
" She " maybe just wanted you to msg her and ask her how's her day today , and that would really make her day
" She " probably don't want to feel disappointed anymore
" She " just wanted yr love , yr concern and yr worry
" She " wants to face reality but somehow she feels so scared and she lack of courage
" She " just hope that someone would be there for her when her hopes , dreams and beliefs are all shattered
" She " probably is tired of everything and wants to take a break
" She " probably hope you'll stay to talk to her
" She " probably feel so lonely
" She " probably don't want to choose anymore
" She " probably just need to cry to let everything out
" She " may not have enough energy to continue this journey
" She" may want to give up on everything and not bother
" She " may just need a shoulder to cry on , a listening ear to hear all her rantings
" She " probably is ready to surrender her fate , her life
" She " could be me .
Why haven't I learn to let go , how long do I need to break free from you ? 2 weeks , am I dumb or what .
One of those nights.
4:19 AM
