Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Ok , so I asked myself this question again . Who's being true to you right now ? List ten people that yknow who are always true to you no matter what happens . I can only think of bbf , sofea , stace , ro , maureen , val and others sorry if i forget to put yr name down . Sometimes , I really dk what's w me . I feel so confident of myself , and all of a sudden I feel so low , so depressed . What do I really want exactly ? That's a question I'll probably never be able to explain and express it well , even if I do , I knew they were all lies .
I guess sometimes its great to be a kid , just like my bro . How innocent , how childish , how sweet . You don't even need to care about anything and all , perhaps yr character , studies and attitude . Other than that , what else do yneed to bother ? I guess its just the growing up phase , that's why I'm thinking and pondering about stupid stuffs like that . I herebly declare I adhor to grow up , I wanna to be a kid forever . I feel so old all of a sudden , but I know i'm going to feel older and probably when I bid goodbye to the world , I'll feel the oldest. Sometimes , I'm so sick of life and I really don't know why am I doing this , what do I want in the future , am I sure of my goals , am I really that confident of obtaining my own dream and controlling my life ? I feel as if I'm not sure what I want , I'm not confident enough , I don't really know what I should be , what path I should take , who I need by my side , who I am trust who I can not trust , what I really want .
All I know is , I wished for some peace and quiet time on my own , to just reflect and think of who I really am , what I really want , and how I should go about getting what I want in the end . I don't want to let any factor to influence my decisions , thoughts or feelings . I want to be who I really am , I want to do things that as long as I feel I should do it , I'll just go ahead . I'm too tired about bothering how the others feel and all , now I'm going to make decisions for myself . I feel as if I'm losing myself gradually because of all the things that had affect me adversely this time round . I'm going to pick myself up , stay strong for myself and continue to strive in life . Ultimately , I don't have to be rich , to enjoy good fortunes or anything , I just want to lead a better life that is to be truthful to myself and to be a better person for everyone else . In addition, I want to rent a studio all by myself and dance till the beat stops , till I drop . Maybe that's why I love to dance , its probably the only way I could express myself when I'm feeling happy or sad or whatever . Recently I love to swim too , I love it when I feel out of breath . Yeah I know , I'm a little weird , HAHAHA . Dance's my life , right now I'm certain it is .
( K seriously I wonder why am I blogging about this )
One of those nights.
9:03 AM
